WHERE THE HELL IS MY CREDIT CARD.
Whoopy do, it’s shopping day. Just as well I’ve got my Prozac. Only kidding. My wife made me promise not to embarrass her in front of the ‘Happy to Help’ guy again. I agreed, but what I didn’t say is that I wouldn’t embarrass her at all. If people piss me off, what does she expect me to do? Of course I’ll bite back.
I arrived at the supermarket having waited two hours for my wife to get ready. I’m already in a bad mood after clock-watching and enduring morning TV looking at skanks on Jeremy Kyle. The ‘Happy to Help’ bloke ignored me today, I wonder why.
In the fruit section I noticed the bananas were all green still. I thought bananas were supposed to be yellow. They had stickers on them claiming they were from Peru. That’s in fucking South America! If they were from Peru, surely they’d have ripened on the journey. Next stop was the washing powder aisle. There’s a huge selection now. I noticed a new choice today: washing powder with ‘essential oils’ Now forgive me, but I understood the word ‘essential’ means ‘absolutely necessary’, so if these oils are essential why haven’t they been in washing powder before? We’ve always managed without them. My wife didn’t get my point and bought them anyway, no doubt a typical woman getting caught up in advertising spin. She also bought fabric conditioner with an apparent black diamond scent. What the heck do diamonds smell like? Also, aren't all diamonds clear or clearish, I've never seen a black one, or is this politically correct diamonds? I decided to make a simple enquiry with a member of staff, despite my wife saying it wasn’t a good idea. I asked a young girl who was stacking shelves and the silly bint only went and smelt her own ring! I had to point out that cubic zirconia and diamond aren’t the same thing. She said “I’ll ask the manager” and went off to make the enquiry for me. I only wish I could have seen the manager’s face when she asked him that. At this point my wife sent me back to the car in disgrace, however what she doesn’t realise is that I’m going back to the car in relief. At least I don’t have to finish shopping with her.
On the way home I had to listen to her witter on about how I embarrass her. Why is it women never shut up?
The rest of my day was crap and uneventful so nothing left to tell you.