Boxing day today, another excuse for family to come round. Today is usually reserved for the remainder of the family; those who are not important enough to see on Christmas Day. It’s auntie and uncle day, cousin day and moaning grandparents day. Great, what fun! Now I know why it’s called Boxing Day; I feel like crawling into a box and not coming out until tomorrow.
Best go downstairs and get some breakfast. I’m surprised I don’t still feel full after everything I ate yesterday, but if I am going to be honest, most of yesterday’s food was disposed of about an hour ago. I’m glad it didn’t look and smell like that when it was on my plate! I don’t mean to sound coarse but… well, it is my diary. Who else is going to read it? I’ve always wanted to know… why does it always come out brown?
Enough of that, I’ll have Ready Brek for breakfast this morning. It’s a little bit nippy outside today. I’ll write again later after I’ve had some brekkie and finished with the other family members.
It’s me again. What a morning! Having to kiss aunties who all smell the same. I’ve had to be friendly to people I only see once a year and pretend it doesn’t bother me. Auntie Judith came round at 10am and tripped over the door step. I’d have laughed but she’s only just had a hip replacement in October. If I am being honest, I struggled not to laugh. In fact I had to pretend to cough every time a little snigger started to come out. To make sure she didn’t realise what I was up to, I had to continue pretending I had a cough even when it wasn’t funny anymore. That alone made it a long, a very long, two hours until she went.
At midday Uncle Steve and Auntie Betty (I think everyone has an Auntie Betty) came to visit. They’d also bought me a diary. Now I have two. Don’t worry, Mr Diary, I’ll continue to use you. The one they bought me can be re-wrapped and kept as an emergency gift. It’s inevitable that someone will come round with a gift for us when we didn’t expect it. At least now we have something to give them that we can pretend we’ve had all along. Steve and Betty also thoughtfully bought us some leftover turkey for sandwiches. Oh! How delightful… not! I thought I’d got away with no turkey this year. I used half a jar of Branston Pickle to enhance the tastelessness of boring turkey.
By afternoon everyone had come and gone, so after a bit of a row with my wife we took the Christmas decorations down. I get fed up very quickly with the clutter of Christmas decorations, so when Boxing Day arrives I want them down. My wife thinks I am a killjoy. I’m not, I just hate the way my house looks with all that tacky crap all over the walls. I also get annoyed by those who say, “Well, it’s Christmas” in Advent, then by 4pm on Christmas Day say “Well, that’s it for another year” when there are over 11 days of it left.
There is a fat couple who live over the road from me, they put their decorations up in November and take them down in February. How do they cope? I’ve got a theory though: it’s that they like to stand out by being the first people on the street to put decorations up and then they are too fat and lazy to take them down.
In the evening we sit down and relax for the first time in two days to watch Home Alone. Yes, it’s on again. But it’s the only Christmas film I like.
I have the two S’s (shit and shower, in case you’re wondering) and get off to bed at 10pm.