The rush is on! Today the shops are packed with people, as they will be for the next three days. People pack their trolleys with enough food to feed the five thousand. The shops are only closed for one day! People really need to have a reality check.
The shops all seem empty, no food left on the shelves. It’s as if there’s going to be a nuclear holocaust. How stupid are these people? Why am I telling you this? Because, it’s our normal shopping day, we were greeted by a packed car park and empty or near-empty shelves.
We walked through the door with our tiny trolley (all the decent-sized trolleys were taken). In fact it was one of those trolleys adapted for wheelchairs. I don’t have a wheelchair but it was the only option I had. Anyway, there was a bloke by the main doors with a huge green badge that says ‘Happy to Help’. I went over and asked him how sincere the words were on his badge, and he replied, ‘Very, Sir. I hope you have a pleasant shop. Is there anything I can help you with?” I gave him my trolley and my shopping list and said, “Here, you do my shopping while I go for a coffee in the cafe.”
He told me it wasn’t in his job description and that he couldn’t leave his post. I said, “So you’re not really happy to help then, are you? Your badge should say ‘Probably happy to help. It depends what you want.’” I’m not sure he saw the funny side as he confiscated my trolley, pointing out it was only for disabled people with wheelchairs. My wife and I were made to wait outside until a proper trolley became available. I think that backfired a little bit.
We eventually did our shopping, having to negotiate our way past old people having meetings in the aisles. People stop so suddenly that you bump into them, and other people leave trolleys behind while they go off to get something. When that happens I move their trolley into another aisle. It’s hilarious watching them get all confused when they get back. They get all stressed and sometimes have to go and start their shopping all over again. That’s when I give their trolley back, by putting it in front of the shelf of something in the trolley. They’re guaranteed to see it. It’s great fun!
I was glad to get home from that trip. Now I am going to chill out for the rest of the day and watch the Christmas Doctor Who again. I always watch them twice in case I missed anything the first time. I’m going to sign off now, speak tomorrow.